How to Pick up Chicks 101

1. Hang out in Walmart with an empty trolley

2. Push it around the feminine hygiene section

3. When you see a girl on her own, ask her “Hey, didn’t I see you in Walmart the other day?”

4. Ask her out for drinks and tell her “there’s nothing to do around here, we should hang out, I’m lonely.”

—- fool proof —–

Yes this did happen to me.. and after much deliberation with some American friends we have decided that I have a mental condition which means I am UNABLE to differentiate between a crazy American and a normal American. To me – all Americans are good, and appropriate fodder for friendship and conversation.. hence me being propositioned in Walmart with a boxful of tampons and fanny freshener in my hand.

After some more deliberation I would like to put it forth that I actually have a very limited ability to differentiate between a crazy an non crazy Australian too. This explains a lot in my life.

- – - -

Am now sitting at an internet cafe, with a sore stomach from drinking a bottomless bucket of coffee on an empty stomach, in downtown Chicago. Apparently the ghetto area. The cafe is divine and the sandwiches are tasty, and I’m waiting for someone to pop a cap in my ass. I’d pay good money for a Mylanta right now though.

Today is a day of rest. Am back from the wedding in Decatur Illinois – and slept in and am preparing myself for an evening of doing not much. I think the new Batman movie is out – so I am off to see that fo sho. Opposite me is Chicago Tim the 5 String Electric Bass Player who is 6′5″. He has an avid dislike for people who come barrelling up to him asking him if he “plays ball” or telling him that “they have a son who is tall too…” – Apparently this is a common affliction of tall people – us shortarses think that all tall people have something wonderful in common. They are tall.

This actually means that they have NOTHING in common and don’t care a jot if your nephew, uncle, neighbour, dentist, son or cousin is tall. Please take this to heart and think next time you speak to a tall person.

Chicago Tim is on his Macbook – a white and worrisome thing – and is planning his week out whilst dealing with a mad Aussie who has descended upon him. I think on Wednesday we’re driving to some guitar repair shops and visiting his mother to collect an amp. And on Thursday I fly out to Kentucky at 10:30am. Yeah. The land of Sweet Tea, Mint Juleps, and mosquitos the size of chihuahuas.