Valse of the Valkyries

Right. Well i’m in Hong Kong – it’s been three weeks now and i’m about ready to start blogging.  With great trepidation as I have such an overwhelming urge to speak the truth, the whole truth so help me god.. that I fear i’ll get in a bit of tribble. Mind you, nobody reads this anyway.. so whatever.

Tonight, I was given 2 presents by old business men of varying degrees of attractiveness. On a scale of old business men – one was pretty hot. On a scale of young guys my age that I find sexually attractive and would like to take my kit off for.. neither did so well. Big fails on both counts.. tho the Spaniards accent gets bonus points.. an accent that incorporates a lisp – whoot.

One guy, a very sweet sweaty American, gave me a Kiehls bag – and I thought “OH MY GOD… FACIAL PRODUCT” (being an aficionado of every girl orientated cleanser, mattifier, exfoliator, buffer and whatnot I can get my grubby hands on) . It was, an exciting moment. Unfortunately I opened it and discovered bags of Hershey’s Kisses.. which, being chocolate – was ok.. but which, referencing a prelude to intercourse – ie: the kiss – which was mentioned twice by the sweaty American as I nibbled on the candy, was not okay.  A lovely man, he advised that once i’d “finished the music part of my life” he’d be very happy to keep me in a fabulous manner and allow me to do whatever I wanted for the rest of my life as he was loaded. He then had a bout of gas and had to leave, telling me (literally) that he needed time alone so he didn’t add a percussive element to the music.  Thoughtful.

The other guy, who out of the two, was the hot one – and not only because he’s from Barcelona, was mortified that I would be alone at Christmas – and so produced out of his knapsack (which was an Israeli brand called Kapa or something.. very cool) a white watch he bought in China.. probably destined for his wife or daughter.. but being a watch fanatic I had NO qualms about taking that one thank you very much. He has a matching black watch and will be hanging out by the pool all day tmrw no doubt as I said I was looking forward to going for a swim.

What else to report? Not much really. I’ve contracted a case of Bird flu, and though i’ve been told that it’s incredibly inappropriate to call it Bird Flu when it’s just a common rhinovirus.. I will continue to call it Bird Flu if not only for the rest of my contract here.. but quite possibly for the rest of my life. It was entirely my own fault contracting this particularly virulent case of SARS as I went out after my last shift and drank copious amounts of booze, then decided it would be a GREAT idea to smoke cigarettes too. Other brilliant notions that popped into my noggin over the evening / morning involved disrobing at a club after dancing with a 6 foot tall transexual angel and then losing my top – allowing me the great priviledge of coming back to the hotel at 9:30am with a red headed tongue wrestling skateboarding techno DJ in nothing but my bra.

No wonder I have the bird flu.

The last time I went out, I woke up at 3pm the following day with a massive hangover, a trashed hotel room  – with a bra in my vegetable curry and reindeer antlers stuck to my face. Hong Kong, my friends, is a dangerous place. FRAUGHT with danger. Luckily I am flat broke, have no friends and am sick so this week have managed to avoid any bad behaviour.. though I feel tmrw night may encourage me to throw caution to the wind and break free of my self imposed house arrest.